Okay, so here's the deal. Actually, I have been feeling a little... "misunderstood" lately. My coworkers think I am getting arrogant. People say I am picky, demanding, and maybe even a little dictator when it comes to getting things done. I do not think I am the problem, though. (Or am I?)

I want to go back and tell you the whole story because writing it down might help me figure out if I am really turning into a jerk or if my team just needs some tough love.

It all began when I was given a project that was almost desperate for help. That kind of project where you barely meet the due dates and would think, "Wow, I should have watered that weeks ago" if it were a plant. This project was just that—wilting, shrinking, and about to fall apart.

"Okay, I will take care of this," I said after taking a deep breath. The team did have their own developer workflow, though, which was a small problem. And by "workflow," I mean that it was like putting together a jigsaw puzzle with pieces from five bunches. Whenever I tried to look over their work, I felt like I was walking into chaos. 

They said it was a workflow, but it looked more like a bunch of random, last-ditch efforts to get things to work. The project looked like someone just grabbed some duct tape, put it on, and hoped for the best. I am talking about a codebase that is not working together as it should.

Technical debt? There was so much debt that we were like college students with credit card debt. Everywhere I looked, there were quick fixes, and I could see the problems building up like dirty clothes in a college dorm. I knew we had to change how we did things or this project would get buried in mess.

Like Captain Fix-It, I came in. When I looked at the codebase, I rolled up my sleeves and said, "We are going to fix this." I talked about structure, consistency, and, surprise, testing. I understand that it was very different. We needed it, though!

I thought the team would nod and say, "Nice, this is good!" when I suggested these changes. It is time to go!" Instead, they looked at me as if I had told them to kill their pets.

You could feel the confusion on their faces. It felt like I had thrown them into a frozen lake without telling them. "Change our workflow?" I could hear them thinking. We have always done it this way, though! "Why fix something that is not really broken?"

What I did, though, was not just throw them in the deep end and leave. I made sure they understood the new method by breaking it down step by step. To make sure everyone was on the same page, I held sessions, asked them if they had any questions, and they said they did not have any.

It had been a few months, and I thought we were making good progress. Everyone seemed to be on board after our sessions and meetings where we talked about things. In my mind, I could see us crossing the project's finish line with high-fives and confetti.

But then I saw something. Even though we talked about it and set up a new workflow, the team was not following what we agreed on. I felt like the lessons were being heard but not understood. It was back to old habits for them: quick fixes, code that did not work together, and a lot of technical debt. The workflow I would set up was so faint that I had to squint to see it.

At that moment, I felt something inside me snap.

I said to myself, "Okay, enough is enough." No more Mr. Nice as Project Lead. I began following stricter instructions. I looked over every pull request very carefully and asked for more from each one. I sent it back if I was not happy with it. Once more. Over and over. I was not going to let anything go through that was not good enough.

I will also say that I did become "hard to please." But it was not because I am a difficult person by nature (at least I do not think I am). I did this because I could see that some team members were just coasting along, getting paid and not really trying to make the project or their own work better. I was not going to let that go. We had to meet deadlines, reach our goals, and, let us be honest, keep our reputations.

"Some people don’t like change, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is a disaster." - Elon Musk.

You’ve heard about Elon Musk, right? People who work for this person believe in working hard and pushing limits, so they drive their teams crazy. I was not exactly going all Elon Musk on them, but I did want them to know how important it was. Elon once said, “If you’re not progressing, you’re regressing.” That is the way of thinking I wanted to encourage. I pushed them because I thought they could do better.

Obviously, that is not how the team saw it. For them, I was not the Project Lead trying to get the most out of them. I was the pesky boss who kept sending them back to the drawing board. I might have gone a little too far. In my defense, I did not think it was arrogant. I thought it was a step up. I expect you to work harder, think more clearly, and turn in good work if you are on my team. It is just how I work.

But here's the catch: they were less happy the more I asked of them. These people were not used to this stricter me. Actually, I think I could have been a little more understanding. We did have a job to do, though. It was not that I wanted to be their friend; I had a project to finish. (Maybe I did not need to be *that* strict, but hey, everything looks better now.)

Now this is where I start to wonder: Is it me? Am I really getting arrogant? Or is this what happens after a while? It is possible that I am getting older, irritable, and less comfortable with making mistakes. (Play music for a midlife crisis.) Maybe I just have high standards and will not let things go.

Really, when did "having high standards" become the same thing as "being arrogant"?

I believe it is all about balance in the end. It is possible that I worked too hard, and I should have paid more attention when the team was feeling stressed. I know I pushed them because I wanted them to do well, though. Being a leader who is both willing to understand and firm is hard to do. Yes, that is the role, right?

I guess we still do not know. Maybe I need to tone it down a bit, or the team needs to get serious and work harder. No matter what, one thing is certain: if you are on my team, you are going to be pushed, challenged, and maybe even impatient. But it is all for the best. Or at least I tell myself that over and over.

It's just a tough love, for sure! Or it could just be me getting older, too. Oh well, that is another blog post for another day.